


One Year Later....

by sseundalkhom



Series: The Garland [16]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, seokmin is blind because of soonyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 04:30:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14825267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: The spring already says goodbye like last year, but the memories of last year still remains like it is the new scar from this morning. He doesn’t move, even after a year passes, he still has the person living in his heart.





	One Year Later....

The spring already says goodbye like last year, but the memories of last year still remain like it is the new scar from this morning. He doesn’t move, even after a year passes, he still has the person living in his heart. Despite the painful trauma he has because of that person, he always loves that person. Even after a year passes, even after the spring ends this year…

“You don’t come?” He looks up, searching the voice with his ears. Hands carefully move forward and seek for his stick. 

“Seokmin-ah, next time ask for me to grab your stick, okay?” He grins widely when feeling a stick put in his grip. He is still unused to the darkness, begging for a help even at the slight thing. He is glad, though he is blind right now, his boss never fires him and get annoyed at him. 

“Sorry Seungcheol hyung, I should not leave it far from me.” 

The boss sighs. “I have to leave right now. Take care of the puppies, okay?” 

The man nods, bowing when he hears a bell ringing and loud barking as a sign of the leaving boss. Then he gets back to his position again. 

It is just another day he passes on the office. Hearing the loud barking at the back with a faint of a song playing at the same time, he fidgets his finger on the table. He adjusts himself to seeing darkness right now. 

* * *

 

A man rolls his sleeve up although a pen still in his hand. He lets out a big gasp after having a detention from his boss. No matter how much painful and big his mistake is, his boss is still there, giving a lot of tasks since no one can replace his position and the boss is too lazy to seek a person with the same capability like him. Besides, the boss is his best friend, Soonyoung doesn’t bother to resign from his position and apply to another company which probably meddle in his personal matter. 

“You don’t go seeing your blind crush?” his co-worker jabs at him. 

“He’s not my crush,” Soonyoung hisses. The latter giggles. “Oh I forgot, he is your ex-boyfriend.” 

A loud voice document being put harshly on the table catches their attention. “Talk about it once more, I will report you both to Jihoon noona,” the young male grins innocently. 

Soonyoung sighs, recalling what happened back then. His own mistake which ruined everything since then. His own friendship with Jihoon and her fiancé, his own relationship with Seokmin and—his life. If only he has a chance to turn back the time, he will fix everything, he will be careful of whatever thing he spills from his lips. If only he has a chance to fix it, he will fix his relationship with Seokmin, he wants to heal the scars he made from the past. 

“I wish you don’t waste our time, Jihoon noona put her life on it, please make sure do your job well,” the young male commands, pointing his finger at the pile of paperwork he just put on the table before. 

Soonyoung rises from his chair, staring with a meaningful gaze towards the other male. “Chan?” 

The male clears his throat. “It’s Manager Lee here,” he retorts as looking at the office. 

“Manager Lee,” Soonyoung corrects, “can we talk?” 

The manager lifts a brow. “If it’s about the work, yes—go on.” 

He pauses for a while, pondering alone and gives up. He crooks a smile. “It’s okay, Manager. It’s nothing.” He gets back to his seat afterwards, leaving the look his manager give. He really understands the condition is different now. 

No one from his acquaintance wants to talk with him about everything relating to his person. No one, not even his best friend, Jihoon and the other person in their group. They avoid as much as possible after that day when he was confronted by his own friends; at how could a man like Soonyoung be a gay and having a blind lover beside him. He was wrong, being mad at his friend because of his own choice. He should have confronted them, told them how much happy he was to have Seokmin though he—blind, yeah blind because of Soonyoung. He should have fought back and told his blindness was caused by his selfishness, asking the man to drive and he got an accident which made him losing his sight; which made him living in darkness until the rest of his life. 

But he never does it. 

Soonyoung is filled with remorse whenever he meets the people who were there, holding Seokmin for him who said nothing during that time. He feels like ignored, but he knows he deserves it. He has to live with the guilt. 

* * *

 

 

Seokmin closes the door behind, stick on his hand examining his path priorly, he takes a careful step. Suddenly a familiar hand helps him from nowhere. 

“You should stay inside, Seokmin-ah.” A calm tone which pulls his lips forming a smile on his face.

“It’s okay, noona. I can take care of myself,” he retorts. 

Jihoon chuckles. “Really? Seungcheol told me about you and that stick. You put it in the wrong place.” 

“My bad, sorry—I’ll not repeat it anymore.” 

“It’s okay, just…ask for a help, it hurts me.” Seokmin instantly hugs her, patting her back to soothe her emotional side towards her brother. 

They are walking out from the building after that, to the parking lot where Seungcheol is waiting for them. But Jihoon stops her feet right away in the middle, which following by Seokmin who give a perplexed look. 

She looks askance at the unwelcome person when she wants to drag her brother out of office. She grips hard on her brother. Meanwhile, the person looks sad at the sight before his eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” Her tone sounds annoyed. 

“I…just, I just…” 

Seokmin senses what happening through his ear. He notices whose voice he hears right now. He smiles. 

“I want to meet him, noona—it’s okay,” he says as he feels a tighter hold around his hand, rushing feet from nowhere and heavy panting follows, “I can go home alone, I just ask him to meet then go to that cafe.” 

Seokmin knows he has just lied towards his sister. He is missing the man too much until he lies like that, although he only receives a big scar from that man. Although he knows, the man never feels what feeling he has suffered from that break-up. 

“Seokmin?” 

He puts an assuring smile for her. “It’s okay. Just once and no more.” 

He cannot believe himself for saying those words. Really he can survive by not seeing him? By not hearing his voice for another year in the dark? Really he can survive after what happened? He doubts himself, yet he can’t help himself; he can not let his sister to throwing her hatred over her best friend after what happened to him. He just doesn't want to make a scene in public. 

Jihoon loosens up her grip on him. 

* * *

 

 

Two men sit facing each other without saying any words and they enjoy the atmosphere surrounding them—well actually the blind man who is having a good time with the cafe he chooses. The owner is familiar with him and already know what usually he orders since he is a regular one. Meanwhile, the man before him is having a hard time by seeing a man who used to be sighted, now he has to bring a stick around to help him walk. 

Not like that time where he was the one who helped him around. 

“Seokmin…” that name finally slips out from his lips. 

The man smiles. “Yes?” 

“Is it hard?” 

That smile doesn’t cease for a slight bit, still plastering there and hiding something. “Nope, it’s never hard. Everything seems easy,” he says, much more likely a lie he gives out to assure Soonyoung’s question. 

He knows he lied. He knows very well. But everything seems going well for that man, instead of his world. Living without Soonyoung, without adding new scars, in the darkness, it seems lonely yet fine. Soonyoung is afraid to step again into Seokmin’s world and giving a painful wound to his psychological state. 

“You don’t have to worry,” he adds. _Yeah_ , he is right, Soonyoung shouldn’t be worried about him, he should worry about himself, about his own choice and the consequence of his mistake, about how he goes on living. 

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung blurts out, too quiet to hear but Seokmin can hear it loud. 

“It’s okay…I understand your position.” 

Soonyoung hangs his head low. “But I don’t. Why? Why did you not shout at me? Why—-after all I have done, I made you blind,” he fusses, tone tuning down at the last word as he is recalling his own memory, “I didn’t treat you well and I denied our relationship.” 

“I understand,” he repeats. Soonyoung can’t fathom out all the things inside Seokmin’s mind and how the man dealt with situations, either it’s because of Seokmin’s character or anything else. Because the blindness causes him humbler than before, calmer when he faces the unexpected accident. 

“You don’t…do not try to pretend as if you know why I act like that.”

He frowns. “I know, though it’s hurt, I understand it’ll be a shame to have a blind boyfriend like me, especially when everyone thinks you are a straight healthy man. If you want to be blamed because of my blindness, I won’t do that. It’s the fate, I was born healthy and sighted but when I grew up, an incident stole the pretty world I used to see back then.” 

He sighs. “I won’t blame you for it,” he adds. 

When the older male is about to respond, a waiter comes in, pouring the drink into Soonyoung’s cup and placing a special glass in front of Seokmin. 

“I’m sorry, Seokmin, but your friend Seungkwan is absent today so I’ll be at your service today.” 

“It’s Yuchan, isn’t it?” 

The waiter claps his hand like a seal who happily receives the attention he seeks for, “finally you remember my voice, when you need something, just call me, okay?” 

Seokmin says nothing but smiling at him, soon the waiter leaves them behind. Soonyoung watches his past lover in silence, notices how much similar the past Seokmin and the present one are; that man doesn’t change a bit. Still soft and endearing for him, however, he has hurt the male so hard. 

“Do you have a friend, now…like the special one you take romantically?” 

Seokmin sips his drink, shaking his head as he has done drinking. “I don’t. I still have you living inside me, so it’s a hard task to let the person replacing you. Though I have no intention of coming back to you.” 

His eyebrow furrows. He never expects to hear that kind of words slipping out from the latter’s lips and pains him like this. He gulps his nervousness, away with his expectation over the other male. “Uh?” He scratches his nape groggily. 

“I don’t, because I know your situation. This feeling will be over soon by the time…I know I’ll get over you and you are part of the past I never regret. You should not blame yourself, hyung.” 

“But I hurt you…” 

“Mentally yes, psychically yes but I never blame you. I know it must happen soon or later—”

“Do you really still love me?” Seokmin giggles, which makes Soonyoung’s frown got deeper. “I’d lied if I say no, right?” 

“I still love you, even after a year we have broken the ties,” he cracks a warm smile, “I do still love you, hyung. Same like before, but—you know the saddest part?” 

His nose scrunches, eyebrow furrows and Soonyoung is lost in the Seokmin’s words. He stays silent. 

“When I am deeply in love with you, I can’t be with you. And we don’t want to be together.” 

Feels like he gets stabbed right into his heart, he is speechless. He stares into Seokmin’s eyes if only the former can see his staring eyes and how sad those gazes are; if only he can read through Soonyoung’s eyes how much sharp those words for the elder; if only he can dive again in Seokmin’s universe. 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone else by pretending to love them when all I do is love you same like before, I will remain here, loving you until the feeling is gone, hyung—until then, I won’t love anyone else. Don’t beg me for blaming you, don’t ask me to do what anyone else wants me to do.” 

“Seokmin,” the elder calls out his name, grabbing hard the younger’s hand tight in his grasp, “please…” 

“Ignore me like you used to do, hyung…you have to live happily,” he replies, “ah, you already. I forgot.” 

“No, I don’t,” Soonyoung whispers, “never be happy.” 

“You must,” the young man demands, freeing himself from the elder’s hold and bids a smile for the last time. “I know you are able to achieve your happiness. You are Kwon Soonyoung.” 

Everything falls in silence afterwards. The thick silence which is only filled with the sound of sipping drink from Seokmin. On the other side, the drink is untouched and the man flees from the sight. Like the other night, he ends up spending time alone, moping and drinking his latte while recalling how many traces Soonyoung left in within him. But today, it is different. He knows Soonyoung leaving a mark inside him again, refreshing his voice in his memory, flustering him with his scent back again though they didn’t press their body and exchange the scent. 

“Why is it difficult to erase you from my mind, hyung?” He whispers. 

His phone vibrates, then Seokmin fishes out from the beneath of his jacket. He answers the call. 

_“Everything is okay?”_

Seokmin hums, sounding doubtful but the caller doesn’t say anything. Because he can not say anything else, he can’t convince himself and pretend that everything is okay. Honestly, he is still flustered of the male’s coming and had a shitty chat a few minutes ago. Everything is unsolved and the older fled wordlessly. That man left behind that unspoken sadness with Seokmin, along with the traces of past reminisce he didn’t dare to recall. 

The while that young man is embracing his despair and hoping another year will come and his sadness will be disappeared. Only the happy memories he shares mutually with the older will have remained. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know this story is really weird but please leave any thoughts of yours below, I need to hear to boost and improve myself in writing for the future. Thank you


End file.
